新しいTOEFL Writing問題 “Academic Discussion” の評価を分析する その1（評価点3になる理由）

» これを読めば 7月末に始まる新しいTOEFL Writing問題 “Academic Discussion” が分かる！

 

で予告した、ETSが作成した回答サンプル2つに対する評価点とその根拠の分析ですが、今回は最初の回答サンプルを扱い、「その2」でもうひとつについて解説します。上の記事をまだ読んでいない人は、まずはそちらに目を通してください。

 

 

 

ここでは

 

What do you think is the most significant effect that watching television has on people? Why do you think television has this effect?

「テレビを見ることが人々に与える最も重要な影響は何だと思いますか？なぜテレビがこのような影響を持つと思いますか？」

 

という教授からの質問に対して、2人の学生が回答しており、それらを読んでから自分の回答を書きます。

 

以下は、回答例Aを試験画面に書き込んだらどのようになるかのイメージ。150語くらいならスクロールしないで書ける感じです。

 

回答例A：

 

 

回答例Aと、ETSによる評価とその根拠をコピペします。一読してください。

 

回答例A：

 

In my opinion, television makes the life more interesting and fun. There are so many interesting channels and programs, and they make people laugh during watching TV. I think this is a big effect that television on people, as time is passing by. Especially these days, people lives with the serious problems and accidents. People need something fresh and can entertain. Televisions do these kind of works very well. Through Music program, people can have relaxing time, through comedy program, people can laugh… and so on. Therefore, the television influences people’s feeling much better, and I think this is very important effect!!

（102 words）

 

Rationale:

This essay is in the medium writing proficiency range. It would probably earn the score of 3 based on the Academic Discussion Scoring Rubric. It is a mostly understandable contribution to the discussion. The writer provides a different point of view than either Kelly or Paul, arguing that TV “makes the life more interesting.” (But including the article “the” in “the life” is a mistake. The correct phrase is “makes life more interesting.”) The writer then explains why people welcome a bit of TV fun: they “lives with the serious problems and accidents” (the correct phrasing would be “they live with serious problems or experience accidents”), and “through Music program” (should be “when watching music programs”) they can relax, “through comedy program” (should be “when watching comedy programs”) they can laugh, and so on. But there is quite of bit of repetition of the same idea: TV is fun and makes people laugh. Also, some ideas are unclear: what does the writer mean by “as time is passing by” in the third sentence? The writer seems unable to provide many clearly expressed details or to elaborate on the basic ideas, and so the contribution to the discussion feels only partly successful. There are noticeable errors in almost every sentence. In addition to the ones indicated above, there is “a big effect that television on people” (which should read “a big effect that television has on people”), “People need something fresh and can entertain” (which should read “People need something fresh and entertaining”), and others. However, most of the meaning is still understandable despite the errors.

 

 

ではここでの評価点3になるrationale「論理的根拠、論拠」について説明します。

 

> This essay is in the medium writing proficiency range. It would probably earn the score of 3 based on the Academic Discussion Scoring Rubric.

 

ここではessayという表現が使われていますが、Academic Discussionで皆さんが書くのはessayではなくresponseと考えるべきです。essayだと典型的なものはintroduction, body paragraphs, conclusionという構成になりますが、Academic Discussionではそのような形式は不要です。（Rubricsでもessayではなく、responseになっています）

 

またScoring Rubrics（評価基準、2ページ目）に基づくと評価点3になるだろうと述べられています。

 

以下、Scoring Rubricsの評価点3の説明。

 

A partially successful response

The response is a mostly relevant and mostly understandable contribution to the online discussion, and there is some facility in
the use of language.

A typical response displays the following:
• Elaboration in which part of an explanation, example, or detail may be missing, unclear, or irrelevant
• Some variety in syntactic structures and a range of vocabulary
• Some noticeable lexical and grammatical errors in sentence structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language

 

 

> It is a mostly understandable contribution to the discussion.

 

Rationaleの mostly understandable contributionという表現が、そのままScoring Rubricsの評価点3の説明にあります。ここは非常に大切なポイント。mostly understandable「『大部分は』理解できる」は「一部理解しにくいところがある」ということ。

 

仮に評価点4レベルの内容を180語くらい書いたとして、そのうち2文くらい人間の採点官には意味が理解できないところがあった場合、その他の内容は4レベルでも「一部理解しにくいところがある」と評価が3になってしまう恐れがあります。180語も書けるのなら、その2文がなくても150-160語くらいと語数としては十分であり、多く書こうとして表現、文法、内容的に理解しにくいところが出てくるなら、語数を減らしてすべて伝わる内容にした方がいいでしょう。

 

> The writer provides a different point of view than either Kelly or Paul, arguing that TV “makes the life more interesting.”

 

他の学生の意見に触れないことはネガティブな評価につながりません。皆さんがDiscussion Boardに書き込むとしたら、他の意見に言及することなく自分の考えを伝えることもあるはず。

 

> (But including the article “the” in “the life” is a mistake. The correct phrase is “makes life more interesting.”) The writer then explains why people welcome a bit of TV fun: they “lives with the serious problems and accidents” (the correct phrasing would be “they live with serious problems or experience accidents”), and “through Music program” (should be “when watching music programs”) they can relax, “through comedy program” (should be “when watching comedy programs”) they can laugh, and so on.

 

ここでは、表現ミスが多く指摘されています。ここまで多いとScoring Rubricsの3の説明のnoticeable lexical and grammatical errors「顕著な語彙および文法のミス」という感じですね。しかし意味は伝わり、内容としてはmostly relevantで mostly understandableになっています。

 

> But there is quite of bit of repetition of the same idea: TV is fun and makes people laugh.

 

同じような内容をかなり繰り返していることがネガティブに評価されてます。

 

> Also, some ideas are unclear: what does the writer mean by “as time is passing by” in the third sentence?

 

ここではas time is passing by「時間が過ぎ去っていくにつれて」がこの文脈において、どういう意味か分からないと指摘されています。「意味が伝わりにくいかも」と思われる表現は避けましょう。

 

> The writer seems unable to provide many clearly expressed details or to elaborate on the basic ideas, and so the contribution to the discussion feels only partly successful.

 

ここではunable to provide many clearly expressed details or to elaborate on the basic ideas「明確に表現された詳細を多く提供したり、基本的な考えを詳しく説明したりできていない」と「詳細」がなかったり、「詳しく説明」できていないことが指摘されています。「その結果、議論への貢献は部分的にしか成功していない」と。

 

> There are noticeable errors in almost every sentence. In addition to the ones indicated above, there is “a big effect that television on people” (which should read “a big effect that television has on people”), “People need something fresh and can entertain” (which should read “People need something fresh and entertaining”), and others.

 

そして noticeable errors「目立ったミス」に対する指摘が続きます。

 

ちなみにここでは

 

a big effect that television on people ではなく a big effect that television has on people

 

と、目的格の関係代名詞thatの後にhasがないことが指摘されていましたが、2人目のPaulのpostでは

 

I think the main effect that television has on people is to broaden their experience.

 

という表現が使われており、ここをそのまま使えば文法ミスを避けられました。このようにAcademic Discussion問題では、2人の学生のDiscussionでの表現を使って文を書くことも可能です。

 

> However, most of the meaning is still understandable despite the errors.

 

表現・文法ミスが多くても、mostがunderstandableなら評価点3になります。

 

 

Integrated、Academic Discussionともに人間の採点官による評価点が3なら（AIからの評価も同じくらいと想定すると）、Writingは20点くらい。トータルの目標スコアが80ならWritingでは20点が獲得できればよく、回答例Aくらいが書ければよいと言えます。

 

今回の記事はここまで。「その2」では以下の回答例Bがなぜ評価点5にふさわしいかについてのETSの根拠を解説します。

 

回答例B：

 

 

In my opinion, Paul is right when he says that watching television might broaden your experience. By watching for example science programs, you can gain valueable insights into new topics. On the other hand, I think that a high percentage of people don’t watch TV to increase their knowledge. I am of the opinion that many people watch TV in order to get distracted from their real lives. They watch films or series to be entertained and to forget problems they have at work or in their private lives. At least for me this works well – for instance if I am sad, I watch a comedy or a funny soap opera and afterwards, I am in a better mood. Therefore, I think that being entertained and distracted is the most significant effect of TV.

（135 words）